Many parents I hear from are so busy trying to be a friend to their kids that they actually forget about being a parent. Unfortunately, with many people feeling guilty about how much time they spend away from their kids, they feel a need to bond with their kids as friends.
Being a parent first is our primary responsibility. We have a job to do, and this sometimes will make us very unpopular at the times when we have to say no and redirect them, however, that is the job. If a kid were completely capable of making good judgments, then they wouldn't need parents. They don't yet have a good filter by which to screen out information and look at the big picture. Just think about what you were like at their age. Didn't you think you knew everything? Did you really?
Looking at the situation from their perspective makes it easy to see why they are not yet capable of making the big decisions on their own. Does this mean we need to baby them? Absolutely not. Allowing them age appropriate decision making is an important step in their development, but it does not mean that they should make every decision in their life for themselves, they just aren't ready yet.
So the answer to the question whether you can be your child's friend is no, you cannot. You should keep lines of communication open and well used, be honest with them, but you have control in the relationship. This means you will have to exercise that control from time to time, and this is what makes a health relationship, not a friendship.
Setting boundaries and limits for your kids can be difficult while still trying to maintain a good relationship with open communication with them, but it is possible. It takes a good balance of discipline and love to be a good parent, and sometimes everyone messes up. Keep plugging along; if you care enough to read information about parenting then you are on the right track.
Being a parent first is our primary responsibility. We have a job to do, and this sometimes will make us very unpopular at the times when we have to say no and redirect them, however, that is the job. If a kid were completely capable of making good judgments, then they wouldn't need parents. They don't yet have a good filter by which to screen out information and look at the big picture. Just think about what you were like at their age. Didn't you think you knew everything? Did you really?
Looking at the situation from their perspective makes it easy to see why they are not yet capable of making the big decisions on their own. Does this mean we need to baby them? Absolutely not. Allowing them age appropriate decision making is an important step in their development, but it does not mean that they should make every decision in their life for themselves, they just aren't ready yet.
So the answer to the question whether you can be your child's friend is no, you cannot. You should keep lines of communication open and well used, be honest with them, but you have control in the relationship. This means you will have to exercise that control from time to time, and this is what makes a health relationship, not a friendship.
Setting boundaries and limits for your kids can be difficult while still trying to maintain a good relationship with open communication with them, but it is possible. It takes a good balance of discipline and love to be a good parent, and sometimes everyone messes up. Keep plugging along; if you care enough to read information about parenting then you are on the right track.
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Parenting isn't always easy. If you are having a hard time, check out parentinginformed.com for even more parenting advice.
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